Monday, September 14, 2015

A note to myself

Working hard, grabbing every chances that I have. To learn, grow and perform at the same time as a newbie in the accounting field, to be precise, the workforce. As time passes, and as I stop and ponder for a while, at the end of the day, seem like I've just lost myself and everything else...

When you're tired with work, sick of getting orders done and doing things over again and again due to unclear communication or unclear orders from the top. Not forgetting, working with very slack or in my boss's word, very incompetent co-worker. But all you could do is to swallow your pride, get your knees on the floor. Nahh, it's swallow your pride and get your things done with no complain. I have been trying hard, continuously coping with allergies and get emotional easily.

But there's always a little voice deep from the bottom my heart: I am fighting and I'll never give up. I am literally battling with myself everyday. Hoping that everything will be fine or even better tomorrow. But unfortunately, I woke up feeling dreadful everyday. Yes, everyday! Feeling so freaking reluctant to leave my bed. I'm still me, nothing has ever changed but a brand new dreadful me. That's always the first thought of my day, sad isn't it?

It was bed-time posted on my twitter sometimes ago. It's a very passive yet moody post but it somehow reflects how I feel, in a very timely manner.

Although at the end of the day, I am not sure what's the main aim of holding on and where would I be. But I believe, as long as I have the right attitude and of course the very positive vibes around: nothing is impossible, because I am possible.

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

The only easy day was yesterday!

Life is getting sucks. "The only easy day was yesterday". The quote is more than legit. Life is more like riding a bicycle and never meant to be easy I supposed. But before acknowledging all that positive sides of life, let me vent for a little while.

After a week, I feel much more better now. The other day when I was overwhelmed with stress and kinda in anger but more of disappointment, I wrote this on my insta:
When everything falls on you and you have no say at all ... Gloomy day! I wish I would have the courage to say I quit ! 百忍成金, I know I can do it, I just need to vent for a while actually.

这个世界唯一不变的,就是变。只有接受和面对变故才会事事迎刃而解。It's freaking easy to say it but it is so freaking hard to do or to apply it. 


Friday, May 15, 2015

Working life

I guess exhausted is the only word to describe my week. Not a long long week but definitely a stressful week for me.

On top of my normal routines or responsibilities, I have been learning the bookkeeping stuffs for one of the subs by myself for quite sometime. I've tried my best and learnt whatever I can however there're too many hidden steps and too many data that I don't even have access to it. Sometimes repetition just doesn't work in certain circumstances. The one who in charge of the task previously was missing in action, in the middle of resigning process. There's no one for me at all. I was so helpless and hopeless at the same time, worse when you're well known for your sotong behaviour. Had to have 2 cups of coffee per day, sometimes even coke to make sure I have enough caffeine for me to hang in there.  

It was more like a mission impossible to learn and to master them in such a short period, under stress. And when my boss set a dateline to complete the task, all I feel is stress. Stress overloaded.  Tried to talk to my bosses and hint them that the task is beyond my capabilities. They have faith on me and asked me to believe them. Sometimes I am not sure whether it's a good or bad thing. But to be honest, they never turn me down, like seriously never. Even if they do, I know it's for my sake of learning. I feel so much better after talking to them each time. The only thing I can do is to believe in myself and go beyond the limit. 

It's good to have positive spirit, but when you need a hand, you still do. Thankfully someone who had experience dealing with the finance matter gave me a hand else I would never be able to complete it. Had to OT at home for 2 nights to finish the work, once in a blue moon. And at least I feel so much better after shower thou it's super tired to wake up on time to work. I know I am still pretty lucky as compared to my friends as they need to OT almost everyday. So no complain. 

Sense of satisfaction. Thou I'm kinda still waiting for my boss to review my job but yea, can't wait to say IT'S A FREAKING WRAP! Even if it's just for a while, it's still a wrap ! Ugh seems like they want me to learn new stuffs again next week, hopefully I won't stress out again. 

Why do I need to work this hard when you're given that little amount of pay? I am really that keen to learn, to prove to my boss that I am capable or I am just pretending to be dedicated? I don't know why, but it seems so weird to come across these questions. Well, my answer is simple and easy. As long as I would have the chance and opportunity to learn and to grow, it's believed that the sense of satisfaction would outweigh everything else. I really hope that I would not be driven by the power of money but my passion and curiosity that will lead me further in my profession. Damn semangat, berkobar-kobar LOL. 

It's weekend and time for me to be a couch potato, like again. 


Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Grumbling as usual

And so I've just made an important decision. It was made in kinda fast and easy one, I think. I am just too coward. Staying in my comfortably staying in my own lala world for too long and not willing to face the reality. And it's now time to face the truth.

Not sure about the result. Or should I say, I don't dare to even think about it at all?

Preparation is one thing. Luck is another.

When everyone believes in you but not yourself, weird isn't ?

Well, all I could do is to learn to believe in my ability for now.

Thursday, April 16, 2015

Oopsie !

Oops, a place that I've been forgotten, at least for 3 months. Sorry for not keeping my promise, if not to anybody else but to myself. Trying to cope working life and also my super sensitive body (long story to tell) and failed to keep my promise as usual. Nothing to be surprised, right?! 

Story to be continued. 

credit: google
Having weekly meeting tomorrow, and I can feel the stress. 

Saturday, January 24, 2015


Intern 的生活之垃圾! 垃圾!
你也只不过是个穿着 corporate attire, 负责倒垃圾的一名毕业生。真的, nothing to be proud of. But 我们有权利选择要当丢垃圾的那个还是被丢的垃圾。I believe 千里之行,始于足下; 熬过就会有出头天。
最近忙着搬公司, 身为intern a.k.a office 里食物链最低最没有贡献的我, 唯有帮忙丢旧的 documents 和一些 packaging 的琐碎事。一时的有感而言。

Saturday, January 17, 2015

Late post

*Late post*

So I am here to update again, not too bad huh.

The 5th of September 2014 marked the exact 3 months working as a bilingual support. Frankly, picking up this role was mainly for fun. I was too desperate to get a job that time because I spent most of my time rotting at home, doing nothing. It wasn't an easy decision as it really takes a courage and confident to pick up this role. Both my english and chinese are soso only. There're too many things to worry about, but since the opportunity arose, why shouldn't I give it a try. So basically, the 5th of June was my very first day, started to work as a volunteer and received my very first pay a month later due to some admin problem. It's not much but it meant a lot to me as I started to foot my own bill.

This role broadened my horizons as a student or they called me as teacher. I was so afraid that I would not be able to play my role as I still get so attached to classroom environment and think that I am there to attend class. Actually I still see myself as a student because learning is a never ending progress. It not only allows me to view things from a different perspectives; it also teaches me not to judge a book by its cover. Yea, we've learnt all these from books and uni but this is my very first real life experience to apply them on the spot. These students are from various backgrounds, some have degrees, some don't even finish primary or secondary school or those who are illiterate. But guess what, they are willing to spend 4hours, 5days, sitting down in class to learn english from scratch. If they can be so determine, why can't we learn from them?

I guess another priceless lesson that I've learnt is to be patient. I will start shouting and yelling at people if they happen to ask me something with the same content again and again, for like 2-3 times. But for now, I can proudly say that I can handle it better, at least for 5 times, maybe. But there's definitely rooms for me to improve.

I am not sure whether I am doing a good job up till now. Sometimes I get cranky, sometimes I get emo and sometimes I get disheartened in the midst of work when I see the students aren't progressing.  Or some idiotic students who like to give nasty comments. However, in the brighter side, I am really thankful as this job allows me to apply 5 out of the 6 languages (including dialects) that I know to assist the students in learning English. Thou my Malay is a bit rusty, but guess what ... I'd need to speak in Malay in order to assist an Indonesian couple and they understood what I was trying to explain. Never thought of this before, like seriously this is the best intrinsic reward that I've ever received from this tiny little job. It's all about the little things that make one feels happy. And I started singing: "Because I'm happy... Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth...".

We were taught that we will reap what we sow since we were young. But yea, at some circumstance, we will never be able to reap what you sow, especially in the education field, I guess. Expect nothing, so you probably won't be disappointed. Ahh, guess now, I would be able to feel how my teachers felt back then although I am just a translator, a bilingual support.

Well, after all, life's made up of these small little things and experiences.

5th September 2014

Saturday, January 3, 2015


It's been a while since I last updated my blog.
Since September, not a while huh.
It's a quarter and it's a freaking long period.
And it's now 2015.

So I am here to wish everyone:
Have a great and prosperous year ahead, get the best of everything you do.

To me, 2014 was a pretty fun yet memorable gap year. Got my first part-time job as leaflet distributor then a bilingual support while completing the PY course. Followed by the internship. Life's wonderful, isn't it ? However, it was challenging enough where I have to cope part-time studies and work at the same time. And yet I need to face such an emotional night, right before I start my intern.

2014 was full of ups and downs, tears and joys.
Hope that all the bad things will end here, and everything will go well in 2015.
And most importantly, my grandma will stay in my heart forever.

Once again, Happy New Year everyone !!!

PS. I hope I won't disappear for that long again. Need to find back my passion of writing, srsly. It only get worst when you start working...