Monday, December 23, 2013

胡言乱语之stress

不知所措什么也办不了的时候,
除了沉默,
真的就只有躲在房间里继续写blog。


Don't believe and put your trust into someone just because they say the things you want to hear.
一直都认为说只要把事情策划好,那么一切就可以很顺利的依计划行事。嗯,还是那句:我太天真的以为,自以为是!在这短短的日子里,残酷的现实告诉我说做人有充足的准备固然是好事,但面对突如其来的改变,除了束手无策还是束手无策。 短,因为summer break都还没到一半,我就已经历了两次。觉得有点多,不,是很多。虽然说planning可以很flexible,兵来将挡。你可以花一个月甚至是一年又或者是一辈子的是件来planning,就算是十拿九稳的事,只需要一个突如其来的消息或者是一个人做出简单的amendment,一切就再也不一样了。眼见就快要成功的事,就这样化为乌有!Planning真的有那么重要吗?


说真的事情发生后,我的第一个反应是我后悔了,自找没趣。早早说回家不就没事了咯!不过也好啦,至少有我在,姑姑不会那么不知所措。她stress的结果,就是我stress;然后我stress加stress后,她就会更加更加的stress。看来我需要保持很cool,然后必须要收敛下我的情绪。tmd不要跟我随便mood swing,不然结果会很难堪!说实在,这两次事情的发生和结果都与我无关。其实我只是事情里的路人甲,但始终被牵涉在内,多多少少还是有些影响的。*悲剧 *
Well, 很多时候还是置身其外好。受到保护是件好事来,因为很害怕去年的那一件事案件重演,然后在这水深火热的状况下伤口上加盐!

Duhh 看来我又胡言乱语,废话连篇了。

也许是件会冲淡一切?见步行步。

The only things can be done : Expect the unexpected !!!
Wish for the best and prepare for the worst situations as you don't know how evil people can be. Hope everything will be smooth sailing thou. Ahh, I have to pray hard that nothing serious or hurting will be happening during and after this f**king trip. If possible until CNY for my aunt, else she will be like superb stressing and hurting like again.

把自己当自己。此语最为重要。人生最大的敌人,不是别人,而是自己,战胜了自己,便攻无不克、战无不胜。把自己当自己,就是要求自己不要和自己过不去,别 为一个小小的职位、一份微薄的报酬,甚至是他人一些闲言碎语,一个不屑的眼神而怒发冲冠,要以平静淡泊的心态去面对种种荣辱得失和情仇恩怨。

Sunday, December 22, 2013

那一晚很emo...

那一晚很emo, 这篇博是之前不懂是在什么状况激起,感触之下而手写的。每次写完了文后,情绪就慢慢地恢复了。如果现在我不慢慢一字一句的打出来,也许这篇文就会被我遗忘掉,不当做一回事了。PS. 这篇博写了很多的心声,也写了很多很多的废话,所以还是那句 please read at your own risk !!! 除此之外,如果你想告诉我说忠于自己的看法,不必理会别人怎么说,那我想说真的很谢谢你的提点。不过就因为我忠于我自己的观点,才有感而言,所以才会写出这一篇blog。

其实在这个年头,不管你做什么事都会有不同的回应。当然,不同的人,必定会有不同的看法,不同的观点。不过当观点设立在不同的事上时,很自然的就会有不同的回想。说实在,这个年头,做人真的好不容易阿!黑与白,是与非,对与错。这世界上不是黑就黑,错就错吗?原来我已经慢慢的开始分不清楚这一线之差的定义了。

因为无聊,随便在网上找了几部电影来看,而《一夜惊喜》就是其中一部。电影里的女主角说从小到大一直都很努力过着别人想要我过的生活,做一个大家眼中的乖乖女。老实说,这句话真的一点都没错!我哥算是一个比较problematic的小孩,经常惹到父母很头疼。所以从小就很努力不让自己犯错;小错难免会有,毕竟人谁无过。一直很努力当个大家眼中的“乖乖女”,尽量不要让父母担心,难过。就算让父母掉泪,当然那必须是喜而泣之的泪水。在自我很严格的环境里成长,我发现这些绑手绑脚的“规则”却慢慢的成为了规策我未来的绊脚石。我不是有意要提起这事,我只是觉得说,人生的道路上必须有这些经历才会变得更坚强完美。丁当的离家出走歌词里唱到:“温室的花朵,看不见彩虹;世界有风雨,才会有彩虹”。

话说回头,渐渐地我已经分不清对与错,是与非。这说法有一点太普遍,举例说驾车好了。老实说考到了车牌到现在,我未曾正式地开过车。以前曾经要求父母给我尝试驾车地经历。不过他们实在是太神经质,实在受不了他们所给的压力,所以之后不再要求。当然,他们也不当一回事。呵呵,所以到现在我还是不会开车。你可以说我是胆小甚至是懦弱,根本没有guts开车,因为我对开车地热忱早已被磨光了。

不知道为什么这么一小件事,竟然可以造就别人闲言闲语的机会。Well, 这时候应该有人就会说,你根本不必搭理别人怎么说,做你自己就对了!这个我必须懂得,只是听多听就了觉得很不耐烦;想把事情给分析一下,表明我自己的看法而已。他们总是爱说,就算爸妈不允许还是什么的,我总可以偷偷地趁他们不在的时候拿了钥匙就开车走人。说这一句话,真的和简单!他们也经常爱把想当年我们也只不过是如此挂在嘴边。真的如果没有包袱、没有忧虑、可以不顾一切的想做什么就做什么,也许我真的会这么做。以我的性格,真的没有谁可以阻挡了我的!想了想,如果大家真的是像他们说的一样,未熟练驾驶而造成的车祸、死亡的机率真的不堪设想。真的不希望这些人是为了说话而说话,为了强词夺理而说道理。

当然你可以选择认为我做的决定是不想顶撞或违背我父母的意愿。可是我还是忠于我自己的
想法,没有必要为了满足自己一刹那的快感而冒这个险。这是我深思后的决定!当然必须要补充一句,我脑子根本从未出现过这所谓的疑问!如果我真的是选择了他们所说的就算不会开车拿了钥匙就走人,那会否又演变成叛逆等的行为呢?到时候除了会制造更加多的麻烦以外,还会让更加多的三姑六婆有机会说三道四,甚至会被说成爸妈不懂得管教孩子而已。当然,这些都只是我的假设,what if而已,不过这些outcomes 都是我们平时生活所见的。就连迟睡或是不听从家长的一句话而有的结论。

一件事总会有正负两面,真的就视乎我们如何去看待这整件事情而已!那么一件事就早就我这么感慨,当然也不只这一件事。。。

不说其它的事,说说交际方面吧。我不是个人见人爱,车见车载的女生。念书时,也不像其他同学一样有固定的群体。呵呵,想当年我虽说不上是讨人厌,不过嘴巴确实是蛮贱的,所以往往自讨没趣。也许那时候早已一个人,没朋友;只是自己总天真的以为说自己身边有很多的朋友,往往都是一大班的朋友一起出动;但自从离开了高中以后,才醒悟原来我从头到尾都只是一个人。以前所谓的朋友,都只不过是班上为了作业为了功课的学习战友而已。叶子的歌词里写到:孤单 是一个人的狂欢;狂欢 是一群人的孤单。毕业了以后开始失去话题,慢慢的就失去联系。很多时候真的就是我以为,自以为是而已。。。

到college时,情况稍有改善,但因为实在无法忍受假情假意、人前说人话、利字当头等的友谊,所以结局还是一样。当然,有进步就是件好事,我也开始知道说我本身是不善于表达自己的想法。哈哈,或许妈妈已经把最好的给了哥!不是什么比较,只是在说事实。到了澳洲这里念书,因为种种的原因,沟通的机会少了;加上曾经经历失败,沟通时也特别小心。当然,已经开始懂得说话的重要性了。没有住在学校宿舍什么的,加上我不是个热于参与活动的人,所以相比之下认识朋友的机会也跟着减少了。话说,我这个人还真的很奇怪。其实我是爱说话的,不过只是在当遇到对的人对的话题时才愿意滔滔不绝地说话。说真的,我不是很希望把时间浪费在应酬所谓地朋友身上。我宁愿选择一个人也宁可没有冷场没有无聊对白的“应酬”。说实在,其实我还是忠于那个有话直说,有屁快放,那直率的自己。如果拐弯抹角的说话,那我跟那些假仁假义的朋友又有什么差别呢!

原本在马来西亚时,我的朋友就不多。跟老朋友、同学见面,我通常也只会见到那几位朋友而已。也许这就是射手座吧,人生只需要三位朋友!三位,一生人只需要有人在我需要帮助时扶我一把的朋友,一位出席我婚礼及一位出席我葬礼的朋友。朋友根本不需要常联系,但一碰面,就会有三天三夜都聊不完的话题。这才是交友意义的所在。放假,在家,无所事事已经是我最享受最渴望的事。也许这是因为我从小到大,就算学校放假两个月,我的所谓的旅行也就是其中一天去槟城一趟而已。所以也许因为这样,而造就我就算不需要出门也可以很满足;哪怕是一个人,只要有冷气、有得上网、看电视剧,我真的就满足了!

其实我不明白的是,出门有活动就代表充实了吗?其实,我真的不是那么认为。我知道这不是很健康的生活习惯,不过在这时代,现在生活里很多人约朋友哦出门时,也不是在各玩各的手机,各上个的网!嗯,经历过了。最不爽的是还是聊天到一半听见说,你等等我回一下msg先,然后就这样不自觉的打断了话题。更或许是,原本聊得挺开心的时候,不知道为什么朋友就会说出了一句,闷咯。嗯,既然约我出门是如此不堪的事,那就继续呆在家吧!难道这些就是所谓的良性健康的沟通?真的如果,那我们又何必出门呢!

Well, one can't please everyone!  还记得每次回家时,爸妈有时候都会忍不住说了一句,你可以有一分钟呆在家里吗?可以不要再出门了吗?选择留在家里的我,对,因为没有人要约我,在这里却被说我有社交问题!难道出了门,就代表没问题?如果真的有问题,不去对症下药把问题给解决了,出不出门,问题依旧还在!为什么当大家在忙于赴约时,我也必须跟着大队呢?如果不是纯粹跟风,这是什么?难道如果不跟大伙儿一样就表示有问题吗?在现实生活中,在团队里生活固然重要。但是别忘了许多的发明家在发明一件物品时、作家在完成写作时,都是一个人独处去完成的!如果大家都忙于跟风,那这世界剩下的是什么?创意、个人风格等字眼或许早已不存在。我只是想表明立场,没有说我自己有什么潜能。

为什么我们就不能简简单单的去看待这件事呢?为什么就不能把各自独特的审美观去评论每一件时呢?我么不是常说做人要学会去接受每一个独特的大家吗?but too bad, 事实却是相反的!一种米养白种人。每一个人都有自己独特的性格和待人处事的方式,更有独特的创造能力,那么很多时候我们为何要改变自己去迎合大家呢?其实这句话很有争论性,因为真的只适合一些situation而已。有时候适当的调整是必须的,可是当你越陷越深,无法自拔,甚至是失去自我时或许说什么都已经太迟了。。。

很久没有手写中文了,拿起笔才发现原来很多文字已经忘了怎么写...



人生如行路,一路艰辛,一路风景。你的目光所及,就是你的人生境界。总是看到比自己优秀的人,说明你正在走上坡路;总是看到和自己差不多的人,说明你差不多在混日子;总是看到不如自己的人,说明你正在走下坡路。与其埋怨世界,不如改变自己。管好自己的心,做好自己的事,比什么都强。



30.11.2013

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Count down

10, 9, 8... 3, 2, 1
Counting down the days and it's now time to face the reality.
Will be receiving results for final semester in less than 18 hours time.
I don't know why it sounded so scary but the feelings are way worsen than SPM.
I think I am doing good, duhh, it sounds so self-praising.
But there're still uncertainty that out of my controls.
But no matter what will be, actually I've nothing to lose.
I am ready to face the truth. Hehe, I hope I am as brave as what I'd written down.

Footprint in the sand

Best wishes to myself, and yes I am praying, hoping for a better GPA, I know I am not good, but at least an acceptable overall GPA. I've tried my best, and will let tuhan to do the rest...




总不能 流血就喊痛 怕黑就开灯 想念就联系 疲惫就放空 被孤立就讨好 脆弱就想家 不要被现在而蒙蔽双眼 终究是要长大 最漆黑的那段路终要自己走完 现在的这些那些也将会被时间抛在脑后 所以 不要害怕

Monday, December 9, 2013

Time flies

Time flies, and here comes my last night here in Gold Coast. Time really flies when you really enjoyed yourself, ahh how I wish I can have a longer holidays here. Duhh, I should be appreciated as much as I could as this trip wasn't mean for me at the first place, so I am feeling grateful for everything that I'd enjoyed over here.
I like blue sky and beaches, however I hardly soak myself in the water as I feel embarrass to wear the swimwear and also I don't like the feeling at all. But I really enjoy every single moment especially when I wakes up in the morning with the sound of the waves. That's heaven, simply heaven. Nothing can beat this simplistic of nature.  Duhh, my aunt said I am weird as I am kinda person tat easily feels bored but I like this kinda stuffs LOLL.
It's time to wake up and back to reality. Results is releasing soon, like seriously in few days time. Walao ehh, how to be mentally prepared for this ?! I guess, this is the final countdown ... Counting down the days and it's now ... 10, 9, 8..., 3 ...
Best oof luck is all I can say. 
Stay ttune, and I will update my Gold Coast as I hope I won't remember it in my life ;)



Thursday, December 5, 2013

All of Sudden

I am not sure whether I have any reader following my blog, actually. It has been a while that I did not post about my trips, or may be never in this blog. As I tended to be slacked and if I post I will be kinda long-winded which I hate the most. 

However, I think there is a need for me to blog about my current trip. It is just out of sudden. Thou it was pending like for almost a day, but can u believe I bought my ticket and packed my stuffs like within 20 minutes and 2 hours later I am in the airport, waiting to board. Seriously, I think this is just crazy but once I get to enjoy the view and breeze of Gold Coast, yea worth it !!! 

Okay, can't help but to grumble like an old auntie. The trip initially was meant for my aunt, uncle ( her bro) and three kids to enjoy their family time here in Gold Coast. Everything was planned and paid like 3 months ahead, and everyone was like so excited for the trip. Unfortunately, good things did not last for long. My uncle was not allowed to board when they are about to depart and the reason was they have not valid prove to support on their trip. So initially we thought that this incident happened because of the strict australian policies that try to reduce the risk of those illegal workers without valid visas. FYI, yea, Gold Coast is one of the famous places for Malaysian to come in and work illegally according the Border Security show that I've watched. So they will ask a lot of questions like where are you going to stay, where are you planning to go and how are you going to spend your days and do you have enough cash/money to live on and etc. For some circumstances, you will even need prove to show that you're financially independent to visit here. Chaos la. 

Back to the topic, we have prepared everything in advance, including my aunt's working permit, pay slips, bank statements and the theme park tickets and also hotel bookings. It's really a lot to do, and we thought they were pretty enough to be valid evidences. Unfortunately this was not the case, but at that time we weren't sure the main reason of rejection so they went to the Australian embassy to sort of this issue. In the meantime, the tourist agent still helping them to re-apply for the visa, hoping that miracle could happen. I don't really sure about the processes that took place, but their second applications were rejected again, and again they did not provide any reason. This made everything worst, as we started to make up our own assumptions and opinions, like duhh. 

Things were in a very confused situation and kinda rushing as I had to go to uni to sort out my IELTS test arrangement so I couldn't decide whether to follow my aunt to Gold Coast during the noon. Because my mind could not stop thinking of the questions like what if they are able to come ? Hotel will be alright but one car could not fit in 6 people ( it gotta be a very crazy moment if they manage to come). So I left everything till the very last second, even refuse to pack my bags earlier as the "what if" I need to unpack them later and all craps questions. Hmm, the only regret was I could not accompany or should I say join my cousin sis is currently in sydney, but it's alright they are enjoying themselves. 

And yes, so finally the high commissioner called them up and explained about their situation. And then only we were like okay, no doubt, but we have to accept the decision. They were not allowed to board because they had applied for migration to aus but it was not successful about 2 years ago. According to the law or policies, once they got rejected for the application, they are not allowed to step into aussie for a period of 3 years. However, this important information or should I categorise it as disclaimer has not been told. The kids actually visited sydney in the first year of the rejection period and they admitted that it was actually a mistake because they only found out they came into aus when they're leaving. LOL, what a funny yet clumsy situation was it ?! Was it purely human error or it was actually system faulty or failure of the management process ? Can we actually claim for compensation because they canceled the visa at the very last minute i.e during departure time ? Who the heck knows about this ? The efforts, mentally and emotional stresses and money that are invested in this trip, seriously nothing can be compensated. Adults were worried, kids were crying, and yes everyone of them were depressed. 

Can't help but life is full of WTF. You can plan anything ahead, but one small incident can alter the whole plan. Maybe just go as our heart wishes and everything will be fine. I think after this lesson learnt, I won't wanna really plan my trip anymore, duhh. And so since everything is paid, yes, I am the back-up plan. Since my aunt is already in Gold Coast and I am having my summer breakie now, just bought a ticket and taddaa here comes my impromptu trip. Can you imagine this is actually my third trip to Gold Coast (within my 3 years of studies) ? It sounds a bit ridiculous, like I am such a bitchie rich asshole. Ooops, unfortunately I am not. First time was with the kids, but my trip was only 2 days visit due to an unexpected exam. Second trip was also meant for them, but their mom (separated family) refused to let them come and said that she will make police report @.@ So I was the back-up plan for 2012. And guess what, yes, I am the back-up plan like again. But never mind la, everything worth it.


In the domestic airport, while waiting to board. 


1st trip in 2011, visited Movie World. 
2nd trip in 2012, visited Dream World.
3rd trip in 2013, booked for 3 parks but I guess I am going only for the Movie World ( new rides) and Sea World, not really interested in the Wet and Wild park. 

Hopefully everything will be going smoothly. Hopefully I will have time to visit Brisbane, it sounds ridiculous like I came here for the third time but never been to brisbane, so it's gonna be a must go thingy. Stay tune for most photos, if I have the time. Off to bed, bloody tired due to the heat this afternoon =(


One of the night views from my balcony


生活就是一场修行,修自己的耐心、恒心、平常心。如果能够承受巨大的失落,眼看着美好被岁月和生活消耗。如果还能在这样的现实中,保持创造和热爱,那我们就是真正的强大了。就像罗曼·罗兰说的那样:“只有一种英雄主义,就是在认清生活真相之后依然热爱生活。”——《慢慢来,让灵魂跟上来》

Monday, December 2, 2013

一切会更好的

A-Lin 的四季里唱着这一句等待天亮,好好大哭一场 再让眼泪风干,在微笑中释放。嗯,今晚因为一句话,我又莫名的emo了,结果就哭了起来。不知道是不是距离成绩揭晓的日子越来越逼近了,我的压力就也越来越大。这种感觉实在不好受,感觉很神经质的,一时可以很兴奋一时可以很emo。很傻很笨甚至很呆吧?对我来说,这也算是一种有效的解压方式吧。哭完的感觉好多了,至少整个人轻松多了。

今天在facebook po的文,嗯,确实很emo,因为自从上大学以后已经很少在fb po很emo很负面的post了。我不是想要博同情更不是想要引人注目,只是纯粹想还自己一点自由、一个属于自己的空间;至少不必去在乎别人的看法、闲言闲语。真的 I don't care, I couldn't care less。选了林宥嘉的我总是一个人在练习一个人,加上这些文字:

其实没有朋友并不可怕,可怕的是有一大堆的朋友到你寂寞孤单的时候却找不到人陪伴。要考ielts (不过hamikk sai都还没有准备), 如何安排时间, 如何延续/申请visa等的手续。手续真的真TMD烦。什么都不会也不过如此,还要不停的被长辈指责说我浪费时间、不懂得安排时间有的没有的话。以前很天真的和朋友许下承诺说彼此就会像count on me的歌词一样,原来那只是我太傻太天真。。。到最后我还是一个人在练习一个人。。。要说的话说完了,嗯,我相信我们会更好的,一切都会更好的。。。

写下了心情,引来了从未like过我的post的朋友like我的post,重点是短时间内很多人like (其实是少过10个,不过对于我这种人缘不好的人来说有点多了);两个老同学的关怀,真的我必须要谢谢你们;还有uni围观的同学。无论如何,还是那句话。我只是想好好的express一下我当下的心情还有反映我要反映的事。嗯,是友谊。其实我有我要投射的对象,只是感慨随着时间的转移,我曾经的好朋友好知己已不再是知己了。不知道哪天,剩下的会不会就只是个陌生的路人?

这个世界上你认识那么多的人,那么多人和你有关,你再怎么改变也不能让每个人都喜欢你,所以还不如做一个自己想做的人。—— 几米
我们很多的痛苦,不是已经拥有的太少,而是我们对未来期待的太多。比如做一件事,总想遵照自己的意愿,失之毫厘便觉得谬以千里;比如爱一个人,总想对方是自己渴望的模板,略有出入就认为格格不入。要知道 你不是世界的主宰,不必对外界和他人期望过高,否则,你就会在这个旋转的舞台上迷失自己。